Blog 3/3: 12 Things To Do To Heal From Silent Treatment

I took some time off for a gentleness break and so there was a gap in posting blogs.

Healing journeys are not linear. Some days we may feel strong and clear; other days we may feel numb or confused. All of this is part of healing. We are not behind. We are not “too late.” We are learning to live with a nervous system that was shaped by trauma, and getting back to ourselves.

Making Silence Safe Again

Healing from the wounds of punitive silence takes time, intention, and often, support. It asks you to look at things you were trained to ignore, to feel emotions you were told to swallow, and to trust that your truth matters even if no one around you ever said so out loud.

To make this process easier, they are grouped into three sections or steps if you wish to think of them like that:

• Naming what happened

• Reclaiming your voice

• Making silence sacred again

As you walk through this path, the wisdom of spiritual teachers reminds us that silence itself is not the enemy, it is how silence is used that wounds us.

Naming What Really Happened

1. Name the nature of abuse - make it real!

Acknowledge that what happened was not just “family dynamics” or “normal discipline.” It was a form of emotional neglect or abuse. Naming it validates your pain.

When caregivers used the silent treatment, stonewalling, or emotional withdrawal, they were not just “cooling off.” They were sending you a message: You do not matter enough for words. Or, you have to wait till I deicide if I will tolerate you enough to talk to you again. That harsh messages sink deep into the psyche. It can shape how you see love, conflict, and even your own worth.

Putting words to this - silent treatment, emotional neglect, psychological abuse - is not about blaming forever. It is about finally telling yourself the truth: “What I went through was real. It was not my fault. It deserves care.”

2. Learn emotional literacy - developing your personal vocabulary.

Silent abuse often flattens your inner world. Instead of clear feelings, you may just feel “off,” “too much,” or “numb.” Healing begins when you gently give language to what silence muted:

💔“I feel invisible.”

💔“I feel abandoned.”

💔“I feel unsafe when people withdraw.”

💔“I feel small when my words are ignored.”

Every reaction you can name is a thread back to core self. Emotional literacy is not a luxury; it is a way of rebuilding trust with your own inner voice, after years of being told (directly or indirectly) that your feelings were irrelevant.

3. Forgive yourself for the coping strategies you used.

If you became hypervigilant, people‑pleasing, perfectionistic, or deeply withdrawn - lets understand that was "survival". Those strategies helped you avoid more punishment, more silence, more shame.

You might look back and think, “Why did I stay quiet?” or “Why did I bend so much for people who hurt me?” The answer is simple and tender: because your mind and body systems were trying to keep you safe with the tools you had.

Healing now means meeting those parts of you with compassion:

• The part that scans every room for danger.

• The part that says “yes” when inside it’s screaming “no.”

• The part that disappears before anyone can abandon you again.

You do not have to love these patterns, but you can begin to understand them—and slowly, kindly, offer them new options

Reclaiming Your Voice and Story

4. Reconnect with your voice.

“Reclaiming your voice” can sound grand and dramatic, but in reality, it often starts in very small, ordinary ways:

• Journaling a few honest lines at night.

• Singing or humming softly while you cook.

• Practicing saying, “Actually, I see it differently,” in a safe conversation.

• Recording a voice note just for yourself, where you tell the truth about your day.

Every time you use your literal voice, you also strengthen your metaphorical voice - the inner sense that my thoughts matter, my needs matter, my feelings get a say in my life.

As Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us: “The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence.” That presence also includes being there for your own voice, not abandoning yourself when things feel uncomfortable.

5. Seek safe spaces to be heard.

Find a therapist, support group, or friend where your story can be witnessed without judgment or interruption. Silent abuse teaches you that speaking up leads to punishment, distance, or more silence.

Of course your body flinches at the idea of being honest, In a safe space, you get to try something new: being real, and not being abandoned for it. Being emotional, and not being shamed for it. Pausing, and having someone wait with you instead of walking away.

Each time someone listens and stays, a tiny repair is made inside you. Your nervous system slowly learns: Not all silence is danger. Not all truth is punished. My words can land somewhere soft.

6. Write letters you don’t need to send.

Write letters to the people who hurt you with silence - parents, caregivers, partners, bosses, communities. Let yourself say:

• “I was scared when you stopped talking to me.”

• “I felt so small every time you walked away.”

• “I needed comfort. I got a wall.”

  
  

You do not have to send these letters. The goal is not to change them; it is to release what has been trapped inside you. When your story stays only in your body, it can turn into anxiety, self‑blame, and chronic tension.

On a piece of paper, your truth has space. You can yell, whisper, grieve, and rage freely. The letter becomes a container where you are finally allowed to speak without being silenced again.

7. Use creative expression when words freeze.

Many survivors of silent abuse experience a “freeze” response when they try to talk about what happened. Your throat tightens, your mind goes blank, or you suddenly feel very tired. This is not you being dramatic. This is your nervous system remembering.

Art, dance, music, clay, collage, and poetry can help bypass this freeze. They give your pain another language. You might draw a storm, paint a tiny dot in a big empty page, move like a child hiding in a corner, or play music that sounds like how your silence felt.

You do not have to “explain” it to anyone. Your body knows what it is saying.

Making Silence Sacred and Safe Again

“Silence is the language of God, all else is poor translation.” ~ Rumi

For many trauma survivors, this quote feels both beautiful and painful. The idea that silence could be sacred clashes with the memory of silence as punishment. The work now is not to force yourself to love silence, but to gently, gradually, reclaim it on your terms.

8. Practice grounding in silence.

Grounding literally means connecting to the earth and elements. It can help to discharge the stress and electrical impulses trapped in your body into the loving Mother Nature.

Rebuild your relationship with silence by creating intentional, safe silence. This is very different from the cold, punishing silence you knew. This kind of silence is warm, chosen, and time‑limited.

You might:

• Sit with your bare feet on the ground, noticing your breath for 1–2 minutes.

• Take a quiet walk in nature, just listening to birds or wind.

• Rest your hand on your heart and feel the rise and fall of your chest.

If it feels too much, you can keep your eyes open, sit near a window, or hold something comforting like a cushion or soft cloth. The goal is not “perfect stillness.” The goal is to let your system taste a silence that is not about punishment, but about presence.

9. Invite gentle sound when silence feels overwhelming.

If silence still feels like abandonment or danger, honor that. Many survivors feel more anxious when a room goes quiet. This does not mean you are failing at healing. It means your body remembers.

You can soften the intensity of silence with:

• Soft instrumental music

• Nature sounds (rain, ocean, birds)

• Humming or chanting quietly

• Guided meditations that include pauses

  
  

Think of these as a bridge. You are not forcing yourself into a dark hallway alone. You are walking there with a small, steady light.

10. Set boundaries with those who use silence to harm.

If possible, limit contact or prepare emotionally when engaging with people who still use silence manipulatively. This might look like:

• Shorter conversations.

• Not sharing your most vulnerable truths with them.

• Having a plan to leave a call or visit if stonewalling begins.

• Choosing not to chase after someone who repeatedly withholds communication to control you.

Your job is not to “earn” their words. Your job is to protect your peace. As you set these boundaries, you send yourself a powerful message: I will not abandon myself to avoid someone else’s silence.

11. Build relationships with emotionally safe people.

Healing happens in relationship. Building bonds with people who can stay present, speak kindly, and repair after conflict slowly rewires your old scripts about love. Safe people may:

• Listen when you’re upset instead of shutting down.

• Say, “I need a break, but I’ll come back,” instead of disappearing.

• Respect your “no” without punishing you.

Each of these moments says to your nervous system, “Connection can be steady. I don’t always have to guess or beg.”

As Ram Dass said, “We’re all just walking each other home.” The right relationships help you feel less alone on this walk out of silent abuse and into a life where your presence is welcome.

12. Create small silent rituals of your own

Healing from silent abuse is not only about breaking silence; it’s about making silence safe again. You can create small rituals that pair silence with kindness, not fear:

• Lighting a candle at the end of the day and taking three deep breaths.

• A morning check‑in: “What do I need today?” asked quietly, just to yourself.

• A weekly “slow hour” with no screens - just you, maybe a journal or a cup of tea.

These rituals tell your body: Silence can be soft. Silence can be mine. Silence can hold me instead of hurt me.

As Eckhart Tolle teaches, “True intelligence operates silently. Stillness is where creativity and solutions are found.” This does not erase the harm done by abusive silence. But it offers a possibility: that one day, stillness can become the place where you hear your own wisdom again.

In Conclusion: Silence That Hurts, Silence That Heals

Silence can either shatter or restore. When wielded as a weapon, it breaks spirits, distorts love, and teaches you to doubt your own worth. When chosen intentionally, it becomes a space where your body can rest, your emotions can be felt, and your true voice can return.

Healing from silent abuse is not only about speaking up. It is also about learning when to be silent with yourself in a way that feels safe, warm, and honest. It is about knowing when to be quiet, when to speak, and how to discern between the two.

Most of all, it is about remembering that both your words and your silence belong to you now. Not to those who used them against you.

If this series has touched something inside you, know this: you are not alone, and nothing about your reactions to silence is “too much.” Your story deserves to be heard. And your silence—when you are ready—deserves to become a sanctuary, not a sentence.

With warmth and presence

Shangreila

You can connect with me by Whatsapp on +91 79752 95937 (messages only) or email: aatman.innersou@gmail.com

Photo credits : Free stock photos, Copyright: Mauriceyom98 | Dreamstime.com